the health elf

my my, it has been a long time since i posted here! that is not because i lost track, or even interest, but because i was merely running along side the raw-foodie's cart. granted, i picked up turnips and chard as it tumbled off...
i have had another an eye-opening period on my raw journey which has shifted my understanding about my eating habits- for the better. let me explain: last year, i was told to drastically change the way i eat. for health reasons, i was told to quit eating grains (sans quinoa, thank godzilla,) limit my soy intake (sans tempeh- wheeew,) reduce and eventually stop eating all dairy and fermented foods, and to omit the sugary rainbow- that being anything from white sugar to sweet veggies/fruits.
holy cow!
so literally overnight- i did much of that. bye bye grains. see ya dairy. beat it white sugar.
but i didn't go all the way. how could i? my extremes follow express themselves in other ways.
food gives me so much pleasure [and subsequent pain...] that i knew that if i stopped everything cold tofurkey, i'd ultimately fail, and in merely days, i'd be sitting in front of the boobtube watching shows i care nothing about, slumped on the floor- in a devil-dog-induced "food" coma. now i could not have that happen, could i? no way!
so i set up a liveable regime for myself. it included much raw foods. and limited bits of foods from my no-no list, eventually weening myself off them.
HA!
i did great for 3 months. i found the raw foods lifestyle, and interpreted it as a healing discipline, and did awesome with that for 3 more months. looking and feeling great, i felt like i could go on this way forever. a true believer i was, (and still am,) a cheese-and-cracker convert!
but something happened.
i had a blip in my screen.
boom! crash!
perhaps i went into another deeper layer of detox.
perhaps i was over-stressed.
i was definitely more open, and therefor- "raw," but that was not the all of it. i haven't figured it out yet. no rush. anyway, i added more no-no foods into my regime and little by little, i was less and less raw, and more and more yuck, and shortly, in a bad way again- even if not as bad as before. so- i told myself what i can commit to. and decided to stick to it. now, you see, i am not the type of person who likes rigid guidelines- even if it has something to do with the bettering of my self. i resist and rebel and end up in a knotty mess. know thy self they say. true to that! it's more important that fitting in or making the grade. who sets up these guidelines for us to live by anyway?
we do.
back to the story. so- i decided that committing to veganism is a more important step for me than going raw as 100% priority, or than even following the yes/no list is. follow your heart. my heart said that if i eat an omelette, even if only once a month, and the eggs make me cry within 3 hours of eating them, then it's time to bid them adeu! my heart also said that cheese, although decadent and scrumptious, is made from cows that are milked against their wills, and since i am not a baby cow, well- what business do i have eating fancy gouda? none.
we are fixed with an inner guide...
let's call it the health elf.
health elf is tiny, and has a small voice, and can get caught in the complications and nesty-mess our belief systems. the belief system of deprivation/reward. the belief system of want/need/should. and also the this-is-good-for-me-and-yummy belief system. now on good days, we can clearly hear our health elf. on not-so-good days we may think we hear it, then we may turn up the stereo instead, or maybe we may listen to health elf later in the day.
regardless of the pass/fail results, we have been given the gift of insight. seeing in. to ourselves. how fabulous, no?!? we know what we need to do. i need this NOW. i know that will be easier later. and if i let health elf guide me, i make better choices and have healthier cravings naturally. no hidden pressures. no stringent guidelines. less perceptions of blowing it.
tell me i can only frolic within a 2 acre radius, and i'm furious, edging the lines- demanding to get outside the area. but give me no limits, and i'll pretty much wander within the imaginary area anyway.
call me kooky. call me human.
no- call me blessed.